How quickly blog addiction takes hold of a young, fickle mind. This morning I got up and immediately felt the urge to blog.
Quanta and I had a momentous evening, and later today there will be pictures and stories to follow. But I want to write about something else just now. I didn't feel I could confidently go on with my morning without the catharsis, however trivial, of thinking out loud.
You were born to be one specific person. You were created in a specific way and certain things were put into your path so that your subsequent reaction would make you who you are today. It is inconvenient, at the very least, to ignore the person that has been created by your years of experience on this planet in order to spare yourself the pain of growing up a little. College has made this deliberate ignorance difficult if not impossible for me, as I believe it was supposed to. But it's still scary to grow sometimes, and often it seems easier to pretend that you're still too young to have to worry about profound personal growth, and to simply continue to coast along until you find yourself behind the curve and in more pain than you would be if you had confronted yourself honestly in the first place. I am ashamed to say that my experience with this little charade has cost me already in this journey away from high school and the familiar.
But God is talking. When you listen, he talks, and he has smart things to say. The pain of growing up is nothing compared to the pain of staying inside a self that is too small for you.
Christ looks after us at every instant. The small price we pay in return is to trust that he will not let us fail.
Sorry if this is a little disjointed-- I've been thinking about this for a long time, and I still haven't quite found the right words. Maybe this is just a draft.
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3 comments:
"But God is talking. When you listen, he talks, and he has smart things to say. The pain of growing up is nothing compared to the pain of staying inside a self that is too small for you."
So eloquently said! It sounds like--even if you learn nothing else for the next four years--you've already gotten your money's worth out of your college education.
I love this Emily! Even though it's about college I can definitely still relate it to the giant eminent changes in my life. Thank you! I think I might have to put that same quote that Ms. Wood pointed out in my quote box! I love it!
Thanks for this post, Emily. I've also been feeling lately like I don't want to face growing up. Thanks for the reminder that it will hurt more to stop moving forward and resisting who I am supposed to be. If only I knew who that was. This is beautiful, though. :)
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